Chill Girls and Idolizers

I spend a lot of time hanging out with my flatmate, which often entails playing the role of wingman. Max meets a ton of girls, so my job as a wingman can take up a lot of time. But what I like about this is that it gives me a lot of time to observe people—particularly all the girls he goes home with.

Over the years I’ve noticed there are generally two types of girls when it comes to Max: the chill kind who can carry on a conversation that includes all present, and the nerve-wracking kind who idolize him and wouldn’t notice the other people standing around if they were on fire.

The latter group annoys the shit out of me, as does Max’s apparent inability to tell the difference between the two. The former can be a lot of fun because they don’t get possessive and simply relax until the time comes for Max to take off with the girl du jour.

In the first group there are girls such as Sue, who Max met on his flight over to New York. They traded numbers and decided to meet up in the city. They met up once before I headed east from California, and then a second time while I was in town. Then one weekend Max said the three of us should hang out because he had told her about me and because he wanted a wingman. I’m always apprehensive about just hanging out with him and one of his girls due to the abundance of girls in the second group, but I decided to tag along, and in the end I was really glad I did.

The three of us met to go to The High Line Park, which was transformed from old railroad tracks to a beautiful elevated mile-long park you can walk through. Rather than only engaging with Max, Sue actually made sure she talked to both of us, which is generally what three people do when three people are hanging out, regardless of who is dating/fucking/married to whom. At some point we sat down for a beer, and rather than just looking at Max, she consistently made eye contact with both of us. We ended up drinking with her long into the night, and not once did she act like a girl in the annoying group. After so many of Max’s girls who don’t get when it’s time to get it on and when it’s time to hang out, Sue was a refreshing change.

Eye contact is one of the first clues as to which group a girl will land in. If a person is presumably telling a story to both of us, then one would assume she would make eye contact with both of us. Obviously with Max more than with me if she’s interested in him, but she would still make eye contact with both him and me. If, however, she’s really just talking to Max and I happen to be in the way by being in the room, then I get no eye contact.

One new girl has a funny habit of pretending to make eye contact with me. She stares as Max adoringly 99% of the time she’s telling a story, then she starts to glance at me, but rather than making eye contact, she does a sort of breeze by and then glances to the side, as if another person were sitting next to me. Once the fly-by is over her gaze immediately returns to Max, completely skipping over me on its way back. The funny thing about this is that if all she did was glance at me rather than to the side of me, it probably wouldn’t be so apparent that she really has no desire for me to be there.

Despite the fact that these girls don’t make eye contact when they’re telling a story, I nevertheless look at them while they’re talking because that’s what you do. But when I’m then telling a story and glancing back and forth between the girl and Max (and anyone else who might be there), I constantly see the girl still looking exclusively at Max, even though he’s looking at me since I’m telling a story. In most cases he’s already heard the story, so half the time I have the feeling that I could just stop talking in the middle of the story and she’d have no clue I hadn’t actually finished it. Who cares what that guy is saying, I have my Maxi here.

Call me old fashioned, but it just seems rude—especially on the occasions that this happens in my own flat. So often Max and I will be hanging out at our house bar when one of his girls will join us. Well, I can’t just jump in a taxi and head home like I do when we’re out because I’m already there. And I don’t feel like taking my drink to the second living room to finish, so I’m left with being the third wheel in the comfort of my own home.

Another big clue for determining which group a girl belongs to is her body language and position. For example, the weekend before I took off for California there was a big football (soccer) tournament for some local teams that a friend organizes every year. Another one of Max’s girls showed up to that event. At some point I was sitting with a couple other friends in a semi-circle. As other people joined us they started to close the circle. However, when Max came over with Jasmine, Max sat down in the circle and Jasmine sat down behind him, even though there was plenty of space to join the circle. This seemed really strange to me.

If I’m hanging out with a friend or a love interest and don’t know the other people, I still sit in the circle with them because that’s sociable. Removing myself from the circle to sit behind the person I know is laughingly anti-social, and I shouldn’t be surprised when the others in the circle see it as such and decide I’m not worth the effort to include. I get that some people are shy and don’t really want to contribute to the conversation at first, but even shy people sit in the circle and at least watch what’s going on.

Another girl has a bad habit when the three of us are eating together. She turns her body so that she’s facing as much toward Max as possible, essentially closing me out of the group by letting me face her shoulder. It makes me laugh because it doesn’t even seem like a comfortable position to sit while eating, but hey, whatever floats her boat.

But there are those girls who don’t idolize him – or at least have the sense to keep their idolization under wraps when they’re outside of his bedroom – and who actually engage with other people around them. Laura, for example, has been Max’s fuck buddy for a long time now. And from the very first time I met her, things were easy: if we are out at a bar when she meets up with him, it is clear to her that they won’t be fucking on the bar and thus she takes time to talk, to join in the conversation. And when she comes over to our flat, the three of us can chill in the living room without her ever giving the impression that I’m in the way. Either I decide I’m ready for bed, or they decide they’re ready for bed. Otherwise, we all chill together.

And this isn’t to say that I need to be included all the time; I neither want nor need to be, and as a wingman I know there is a time to stay and a time to go. But if we’re in a situation where it’s about us all hanging out and not about you getting it on with Max right this moment, then you should act accordingly. Or you should at least not be surprised when I tune out and mentally assign you to the second group of girls.

Unfortunately, Max seems more likely to attract girls from the second group, which is really a shame. What’s also a shame is how it’s altered me. Rather than continuously trying to improve the situation and include everyone in the conversation for Max’s sake at least (because I know he wants to hang out with both of us together and not separately at the same time) – which is what I used to do – now, once I realize a girl belongs in the group of idolizers, I lose all interest in even trying. It takes too much effort, especially taking into consideration the number of girls we’re talking about and the relatively short shelf life most of them have.

Of course, I realize my shutdown approach is unfair if I’ve misassigned a girl or if she eventually realizes what she’s doing and tries to correct it. But that being said, I always at least wait until I’ve seen the signs before I shut down and sign off, which is really then just responding in kind.

I may bitch about it, but the silver lining with the second group of girls is that years of observation have really honed my ability to spot girls from the two groups. Not exactly a skill I’d reference on my CV, but it definitely has other applications. Plus, it makes it that much more enjoyable when Max actually pulls a girl from the chill, social group.

Even though the individual situation can be trying, It’s overall still very interesting because even though we’re both whores, we go about it in completely different ways, which always makes for riveting conversations when he and I talk about these things. But that, my friends, is a story for another post.

3 thoughts on “Chill Girls and Idolizers

  1. Interesting post, Omni. 🙂

    I love people watching, but this is a sort of special situation. It’s interesting that you’ve had the chance to observe one person (Max) with a sort of rotating cast of other characters. Unfortunately, most of the rotating cast are stock characters. 🙂

    I often wonder whether people (women, particularly) do it — what the idolizers do — on purpose as a sort of power play. Do they think showing no interest in you (not even romantic sexual interest… no interest in you as a person) means they indicate more interest in Max? Do they know interest in people isn’t an all or nothing thing, and do they think Max (or whoever) think more highly of them for it?

    And it’s not old-fashioned to call their behavior rude. It is rude! Even worse than that (in my mind), is that it means they’re probably terribly boring and more simple than not. Even if I’m into someone particular, when I go out with groups (large or small), I like to enjoy everyone’s company (and, I’d like everyone to enjoy my company, too — not just the person I’m interested in).

    1. Thanks, D.! I’ve often wondered the same things, and I would love to sit down with some of the idolizers to discuss what motivates their actions. Unfortunately, to be able to do so would mean they could have a conversation with me instead of Max (gasp) and then we wouldn’t be in the situation. Such a conundrum! 🙂

      I totally agree with you on enjoying everyone’s company if I’m out with them. Otherwise, what’s the point of going out with them?!?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *