A lot of guys have been in a position where they are out at the club and want to talk to and dance with a certain girl who ends up having a gay “bodyguard” friend with her. The bodyguard provides the girl with a man to dance with and at the same time keeps straight guys at bay. As a bi guy, I have both served as the bodyguard and seen the look of frustration on a dude’s face when he can’t get around me, and also been the one throwing daggers at the bodyguard who won’t let me approach his friend.
One time a friend told me a story about a girl with a gay flatmate he had met at a club. The flatmate had been doing the bodyguard thing, but in the end not only did my friend manage to go home with them, he also managed to have sex with both of them—separately. First he had sex with her, then she asked him to sleep on the couch. Later that night the gay flatmate stepped out of his room and returned with my friend in tow. After they shagged, my friend went back to the couch and slept. His story was in the back of my head when my own story unfolded.
I’ll warn you now that my story didn’t end as successfully as his, but it was nonetheless a fun experience with its own measure of success.
A few years ago I took off in early December for a month to spend Christmas and New Year’s in Mexico. My friend Max’s aunt and uncle had a villa on the Pacific coast and we were lucky enough to be able to stay with them. With the exception of the cleaning and gardening staff employed at the various villas and the waiters at the handful of restaurants in the area, the community was devoid of Mexicans. Instead, one constantly bumped into wealthy Americans and Europeans.
Considering the social status of some of the people in the area, it wasn’t really kosher to go up to anyone you didn’t know and introduce yourself—you had to be introduced by a third party. So while I had seen her around, I hadn’t been able to procure and introduction.
She looked like a young Sophia Loren, and every time I saw her it was all I could do to keep from staring. She was fucking hot, and—as is always the case when I’m on holiday—my imagination ran wild. But no one I knew knew her personally, so I had no choice but to watch from a distance. But on New Year’s Eve I finally got my chance to get close.
There was only one really nice restaurant in this secluded community, and every year it hosted a party on its beachfront property. We had already finished dinner, and I was standing around at the bar with Max, his girlfriend, and James, another male friend who had made the trip with us. At some point Max’s aunt came over with an older black woman and we all started conversing. Later, my Loren lookalike came through the archway leading into the open-air restaurant, and, catching the eye of the older black woman, made her way over to us. I knew then that an introduction would be forthcoming.
It turned out that she was from Spain and owned one of the villas, where she was spending the holidays with various friends. We all exchanged a few words, after which she excused herself to hit the dance floor. “Have fun,” I said, “I’ll see you on the dance floor.” My friends snickered, knowing full well I had been waiting for this moment for weeks.
For awhile we continued to stand there drinking and talking, but then the DJ put on a song that I couldn’t resist, and I convinced my friends to move to the dance floor with me. Sophia was there and – to my dismay – she was not alone.
Her friend was pretty obviously gay, and wasn’t at all my type. I knew it would be an uphill battle to get around the gay bodyguard and prepared myself for the task at hand. Our groups merged and I was able to dance with Sophia, but her friend would inevitably get between us every so often, completely cock blocking me. If only he were hot, I thought, then I could settle for him. And right about then is when bodyguard number two appeared on the scene.
Bodyguard two was hot. Not as hot as Sophia, but definitely a hot male specimen. Suddenly the game had a new element, and a new attack plan formed in my head.
As the evening progressed, I vacillated between dancing with hot bodyguard number two and dancing with Sophia. Now, it didn’t seem like I was trying to hit on her; instead, I was having fun dancing up close and personally with both of them, and my own sexuality was no longer clear to them. The unattractive first bodyguard had become just some dude on the periphery of it all and was thus no longer an obstacle. Divide and conquer, that was the plan.
At this point I’d had several drinks and smoked a few joints, and nature was calling. I shot the hot bodyguard a suggestive look accompanied by a coy grin before heading for the dark beach to piss. Others had also found it easier to relieve themselves on the beach, so I slowly made my way past them, not looking back as I went, until I reached a spot that was far enough away from everyone else. I undid my shorts, pulled out my cock, and started to pee.
Moments later I heard someone approaching from behind: bodyguard two had followed me and passed me while I drained my bladder, giving me a look similar to the one I had given him. Once I had done my business I caught up with him and we made our way in the dark to a more secluded part of the beach. Part one of my attack was going well.
Once we were far enough away, bodyguard two turned to face me, pressing his lips against mine as his hands made their way down my shorts. It turned out he was from Cuba, and his hot Cuban accent rolled across his lips as he kissed his way down my chest, explaining between kisses how deep in his throat he wanted to feel my cock. I was more than happy to oblige.
But his wasn’t the only hungry throat, and before too long we were both lying in the sand sucking each other’s dicks. It felt great and I reveled in it, but the whole time there was a voice in the back of my head reminding me that this was an intentional diversion and that I still had to execute the rest of my plan. That’s the trouble with also getting off on messing around with the gay bodyguard: it’s easy to get distracted.
So we sucked each other off hard and fast before we stopped to make out and jerk ourselves off to completion. As we lay their panting, I realized I had nothing with which to clean myself off. As drunk and stoned as I was, I figured it would be a good idea to use the sand to wipe the sand off of my chest. Fucking brilliant idea—most of it came off, but some sand clung to my sticky stomach. Not to mention the fact that we had been lying in the sand, so really I had sand everywhere.
But like I said, I was pretty wasted at this point, so I stood up and brushed off as much sand as I could. Never mind that I could have walked over to the ocean and used some water to clean up…
Once I had made myself presentable (I thought), I left the hot bodyguard to finish cleaning up. With him out of the way, I could now sidestep the unattractive bodyguard and go straight for the prize: Sophia.
As I stepped into the light on the restaurant patio, I scanned the dance floor for Sophia—she was nowhere to be seen. Calmly I made my way along the path and looked at the various groups gathered around the patio. And then I saw her, and cursed my luck: she was walking down the path toward the entrance, obviously leaving. Worst of all, she was alone, with no sign of the unattractive bodyguard. I had dallied too long with the hot bodyguard and had missed my opportunity.
But to be fair, it was probably for the best. Because when I found my friends they thought it was funny how sandy I was—apparently I hadn’t done quite as good a job removing the sand as I’d thought. I wasn’t covered in it, but it was obvious that I had not just walked on the beach. “I went to pee and fell down,” I offered as a lame excuse.
In the end, I had successfully distracted the bodyguard, but was ultimately unable to hook up with Sophia. On the other hand, I had had fun with the bodyguard, which is more than can be said for the straight guy who gets cock blocked by the gay bodyguard in the club. I may have lost the war, but at least I had won the first battle and had a great time doing it. All things considered, it had been a nice start to the new year.
With that in mind I went home with my friends, sharing the real story of why I was sandy on the way.