After reading my post on the types of girls that Max meets up with, a friend of mine visiting from the States thought it would be interesting to hear about the types of guys and girls I meet up with. It sounded like a good assignment, so here we go.
I think there are three groups of people that I meet up with: the first major group includes the people whom I really never get to know as people, where it’s clear that we’re just mutually using each other for sex; the second group is made up of the people I can have sex with and also connect with on a more personal level; and then there is a third, smaller group of people comprised of those who show signs of getting attached in a way that resembles the idolization found in Max’s second group.
The first group is where you’ll find my quickies, the people whose names I don’t always know and don’t really care to know. For example, there is a guy I’ve been occasionally screwing during his lunch breaks for about six months. One of us will write that we have time, the other will reply. And these messages are extremely simple: “you got time?” “Yes.” “See you in 20.” That is the extent of our communication. When he comes, I plow him for the duration of his lunch break and then he takes off. I still don’t know his name.
While I at least know the first name of most people in this group, the relative indifference I have toward knowing who they are is indicative of the group’s use: I only get in touch with these people when I want to blow off some steam quickly, more sex toys than individuals, their phone numbers really more like serial numbers that let me retrieve the sex toy model I want to use. But this arrangement is fine because I am equally viewed as a sex toy from their perspective.
The second group includes the people who stimulate my body and my mind, the people I click with and with whom I feel a desire to connect intellectually to varying degrees. This group is made up of both my fuck buddies – the ones I can talk to about some things but with whom the primary focus is still on sex – and my friends with benefits – the ones who can equally hold my intention in bed and out of bed. The couple I’ve written about a few times is in this group; I can hang with both him and her and enjoy it thoroughly, but we also have a great time sexually.
This group is definitely the higher quality group because I get more out of it than just sex. I see the people as individuals rather than play things, and there is much more give and take, an ability to have needs met and to meet the other person/people’s needs. There is an interpersonal connection, something that is essentially absent in the first group.
Most people in this group still never meet my circles of friends, but when there is overlap between my sexual world and my friend world, it comes from or enters into this group, depending on whether we were sex friends or non-sexual friends first.
And then there is the third group, the idolizers and people looking for a partner. As soon as it becomes apparent that someone is starting to get dick whipped, I bail; if after a fuck or two they start talking about meeting their friends and dating before we’ve ever had a real conversation, I stop texting.
I should add that this is only true if it happens after the first time we meet or early on. If the topic of meeting friends or dating comes up after we’ve already known each other for a while, then it’s not a problem to discuss it.
My issue with the people who end up in this group is that at a point when we know nothing about each other, they put me on a pedestal because the sex is good or they think I’m attractive in the case of the idolizers, and in the case of those looking for a partner, it feels like they are only looking at me for what they want to see in a partner and not for who I am. There’s just something too worshipful about the idolizers, and something too sappy about the partner seekers.
The problem with the worshipful idolizers is that they demand so much attention. Which is fine when you feel like being fawned over, but when your attention is or needs to be elsewhere, when your attention is not focused on all the attention they’re giving you, the followers riot and start asking questions like “what am I doing that displeases you?” or “Why have you forsaken me?” or “Am I not devout enough?”. And while the fawning may be nice, it doesn’t make up for the irritation of people clamoring for attention from you when you have other things going on.
There is one guy I meet up with who is devout and submissive in bed, but as soon as we are done fucking, we go back to interacting with each other like equals rather than like a master and servant. If his submissive attitude carried over into “real life”, then I’d be turned off; but it’s fun in the context of the sex life the two of us share.
As for the partner seekers, I talked in a previous post about my need to get to know people as people and friends first before I can ever start to think about any other type of relationship. I don’t want to see the best face they put on to attract you; I want to see who they are for who they are and become attracted to that. Which makes me sort of incompatible with people looking for their next partner in someone they just met.
Now that I’ve written this post, it occurs to me that since I gave an outside perspective of what Max’s groups look like, it would have been fair to let Max describe his outside perspective of what my groups look like. The problem here is that we go about meeting the various people in our groups in such different ways that Max couldn’t really say one way or the other; despite living together and spending a lot of time together socially, he has pretty much no interaction with any of the people I hook up with or regularly have sex with.
There will definitely be more on that later, but for now it’s time to call it a day, and maybe see if someone from group one is available for immediate use, hehe.