I read somewhere that the average life of a sex blog is six months. I’ve had this blog up since March, which means I’ve already passed the six-month mark. Add to that the fact that I’ve been feeling more reflective than usual since I’ll be celebrating a big birthday soon, and I figured this would be as good a time as any to talk about my experience with sex blogging thus far.
When I first started this blog I wanted to have a regular day or days where I posted something. Every Tuesday and Friday, let’s say. I don’t think I ever managed to do that, but I think trying to force a concrete schedule on myself would have become really annoying. On the one hand, it would have made me set aside time to work on posts on a regular basis; on the other it would have caused problems at times when I really had other things to do.
As much as I love writing this blog, sometimes other things in life get in the way. October and November, for example, were busy months for me, and I didn’t have much time for writing. But that made it all the more fun when I finally did have time to sit down and work on posts. And it’s not like the internet is going anywhere, so if I sometimes can put out a lot of posts in quick succession and other time need a few weeks to write a single post, readers will still be able to access everything whenever they feel like it.
I’ve found several sex blogs that I enjoy reading, but if I’m too busy to write then I’m generally too busy to stay up-to-date on all the other blogs. At best I can read them but don’t have time to comment, and commenting is a fun part of blogging to me. After a long period of not being able to read any blogs, there are three blogs in particular that I make sure to catch up on in full once I have time (even if only in a lurker capacity), namely (in alphabetical order) Bisexual Dave, Dumb Domme, and My Dissolute Life.
I like the way these three write, like how they make me think and challenge me in different ways. Because of Dave at Bisexual Dave I’ve started thinking about being more open on here about where I live and where I go; because of D. at Dumb Domme I’m mindful of my neighbors and make sure my curtains are drawn when I’m having sex; because of N. at My Dissolute Life I’ve started to reassess my need for a sexual encounter to culminate in vaginal or anal sex. And these are just a few examples of how these three in particular have touched me.
But in general I find that a huge part of my own blog is reading other sex blogs. So many people have so many different perspectives; reading what they all have to say expands my mind in ways that probably wouldn’t happen if I weren’t getting input from all over the place. Maybe I agree with what someone writes, maybe I don’t. Maybe it turns me on, maybe it doesn’t. Either way, the information has been processed, and I appreciate the new input.
One thing that is lacking for me is a sense of community with my fellow sex bloggers. I’ve exchanged emails or tweeted back and forth with a few, but as yet I still haven’t really gotten to know anyone beyond what I read on their blogs. I joined a sex blogger co-op in the hope of finding a community; I expected something like an online coffee shop where we all got together and chatted, and it ended up working differently. I’m still glad to be a part of the co-op, it just turned out to be something other than I expected.
But part my sense of a lack of community is my own fault. I shy away from writing to some bloggers because I don’t want to be that annoying reader who writes to talk about whatever, even in cases when I think, “hey, this person seems cool, if we were to meet in real life I would totally want to get to know this person.” Sometimes I think I have to engage other sex bloggers as sex bloggers when what I really want to do is engage them as people that I find interesting, talk to them casually about more than just our respective sex lives and perhaps even establish a nice friendship. But then I worry that they don’t want to engage on that level for any number of reasons, and end up not trying to make a more solid friendly connection.
When it comes to real-life friends, I really like the discussions that we’ve had as a result of my blog. Friends that I never thought would do so have come up and talked to me about how the world looks through their eyes, both in terms of sex and in terms of relationships, and I really appreciate how that lets us get to know each other better. There have been some bumps along the way in some friendships, but even those ultimately turned out to strengthen our relationships, to further build on a foundation of trust and respect.
Some of my friends will tell you that when I first started this blog I had a phase where it came up pretty often (though to be fair some friends also brought it up very frequently). It was exciting, and like most people I wanted to share the exciting things going on in my life with my friends. Now I’ve settled down with it and only really talk about it when other people bring it up. But when it does come up, I’m more likely to candidly talk about things than I was a year ago. Before my blog I always spoke candidly with friends about sex when it was relevant to a conversation, but I would clamp down if there were people in the round that I didn’t know so well. Now I’m much more willing to offer pertinent information in a conversation even if there are people involved that I don’t really know.
Though there will continue to be spells when I’m too busy to dedicate time to writing, I’m having at the very least just as much fun writing for my blog now as I did when I first started. I won’t let it dictate my life, but I will continue to work on it when I don’t have more pressing matters to attend to. As a freelance translator, sometimes I’m swamped with work and sometimes I have more breathing room, so periods of intense stress are part of the territory, and my posting schedule has to be flexible to accommodate that.
I’m already passed the average, but I plan on doing my best to raise that average by sticking around here for quite some time. In an ideal world I’d also have time to keep up with things like Homo History or Formspring Friday, but I can’t promise that. The only thing I can promise is to continue blogging for as long as it’s fun, and I don’t see that changing any time soon.
Thank you to all my readers for reading what I have to say, and thank you to my fellow sex bloggers for sharing your insights into your own lives. Whether reader, or blogger, or both, you all rock my world.