Sexual Maturity

It’s satisfying to look back and see how much I’ve matured sexually in the last decade.

Back when I was 19 I was fucking a lot of dudes. And while part of it was just because I was (and still am) a horny little bastard, part of it was also adding notches, upping my score. At some point I started losing interest in sleeping with dudes just for the fuck of it and for the most part concentrated on my regular fuck buddies and friends with benefits.

But I was also discovering my bi side at the time, so then I also had a phase where I shagged a lot of women, in some part to make sure that I had enough notches on that side of the stick as well. That too slowly became less appealing, and eventually I also stopped fucking so many one-night chicks.

Now that I’m approaching 30, I’m far less inclined to screw someone and throw them a way like the tissues I wipe up my cum with after a good wank. I still do it every now and then with both dudes and chicks, but now it amuses me more to cultivate something less trivial. Now it’s less about quantity, and more about quality.

Ten years ago I was a university student. I had shit tons to do for uni, but like most college students I had ample amounts of time to dick around. What better time to discover what I like sexually? True, I may have just been using people for their wangs and their punannies, but they were using me back. And as long as both people willingly and mutually allow themselves to be used as the other person’s plaything, then there’s nothing wrong with it.

At some point I accepted that while there was nothing wrong with one-night stands, they were awfully superficial. The superficial side of life has its benefits and I see no point in completely avoiding those pleasures, as life would be dull and monotonous without a fair helping of capriciousness. However, I need much deeper stimulation if I’m truly to be satisfied and challenged over the long run.

I also don’t feel the need to have sex just for the sake of adding another person to the list. This is in part because I just don’t see it as a competition (which to a certain extent was not the case at university), but probably also in part because if it were a competition I could safely say that I’m way ahead of pretty much everyone I know personally. Sometimes I wonder if I really stopped seeing it as a competition or if I just calmed down because amongst my friends I’ve got the medal in the bag with room to spare. In all probability it’s a combination of both.

With less time for trifling sexual diversions and no need to use them as a means of increasing my score, I don’t particularly care for frivolous fun with a person whose name I may not even know and which I will surely forget within the hour if I do learn it. Most of the time there has to be some quality involved.

Any sometimes it’s as simple as just great sex sans conversation. I’ve been fucking a guy for a couple years now, and know next to nothing about him. Every time I go over we fuck hard, I blow my wad in his face and I bounce. It lacks meaningful conversation, but it’s still sexually satisfying on a less than superficial level because though we don’t know much about our respective personal lives, we’re both fully aware that our bodies communicate very well. And physical satisfaction is just as important as intellectual satisfaction.

But more often than not it’s also about the conversation, about really getting to know a person. I can think of seven people right off the bat with whom the sex is always at least sufficiently satisfying and the conversation equally so. Two of them are in a primary relationship with each other, and we still get along great with no fear of what the three of us have hurting their relationship.

Whether it’s only the physical or a combination of the physical and intellectual or even emotional, these interactions have developed into meaningful connections in my life, each of which ultimately provide me with far more than a collection of one-night stands ever could.

I doubt that I’ll ever completely cut one-night stands out of my life, though. For example, I’m leaving for summer holidays soon and if some hot dude and/or chick catches my eye I’d have nothing against a little holiday romp. Plus, some really good friendships have started as a result of going home with some unknown person. A seed of friendship can be planted in the superficial and grow into something greater.

Nevertheless, I’m glad that I’ve grown out of sleeping with any hot person I see in a club or at a party. I don’t regret those days at all. In fact, quite the opposite. But just like I grew out of reading children’s books or playing children’s board games and advanced to books and games that require more intellect and encourage growth, so too have I outgrown the superficial level of sex and moved on to relationships that require me to delve deeper into myself and the other people involved.

And I don’t mean to say that one-night stands are childish or that one shouldn’t enjoy them after a certain point. I mean only that they don’t involve much in the way of personal growth. They help teach you the sexual basics and provide you with a basic vocabulary from which you can move on to more nuanced conversation. They can be a stepping-stone to greater personal challenges in the form of lasting relationships, but are themselves by their very nature devoid of long-term challenge.

They may not be inherently long-term challenges, but they still have their place. Casual one-night stands and deeper sex relationships are a little bit like books: you have your paperback books that you can casually read once and give away or leave behind so they don’t take up space in your suitcase, and you have your hardback books that – depending on the book – you might mark up and write in or leave unblemished, but which you keep because you like them and want to reread them.

I like me some paperback books, but I also like that I’ve come to appreciate the value of good hardback books. Now all we need is some sort of Kindle for all these metaphorical books. Let’s just hope they remember to put in enough memory for us sluts.