The Promiscuous Bisexual

Posted: 7 August 2012 in Blog Entries, Food for Thought

I am bisexual. I am promiscuous. I am not promiscuous because I am bi, nor am I bi because I am promiscuous.

It bothers me when people talk about bisexuality and repeat the tired, old stereotype that all bisexuals are promiscuous, as if one’s sexuality determined the number of people with whom one will sleep. It bothers me because people who believe the stereotype argue that I prove their point; trying to offer any other perspective is a lost cause because their presumption has been verified in me.

Never mind that I sleep around far less now than I did years ago at university when I identified as gay. Never mind the many monosexual people we all know who screw a diverse range of specimens of their preferred sex. No, that means nothing. I am not monogamous and thus their case is closed: all bisexuals must be promiscuous.

It makes it difficult to debunk the myth when you yourself appear to confirm the stereotype. I generally try not to get sucked into discussions on the topic because I feel I end up doing more harm than good. And yet I still need them to understand that like all other forms of sexuality, bisexuality and promiscuity are not mutually inclusive.

My sexuality is a fluid part of my being that is wired into me, part of my hardware. But promiscuousness is a conscious choice I make based on thoughts, concepts, philosophies; it is software that is compatible with my hardware, but which is equally compatible with all other hardware types.

I started formulating my thoughts on promiscuity back in high school when I was a good Mormon boy attending seminary. The polygamy factor in the history of the Mormon Church intrigued me and I wondered why so many took such a harsh view toward this and similar types of relationships. The priest in me wanted to explore the possibility of loving as many people as I wanted, and the whore in me rejoiced in lusting in the same fashion. Both were happy with the results.

At this point, I was only screwing dudes; women didn’t enter into the equation at all. And I was already realizing that the outer extremes of promiscuity were not where I wanted to reside long before I accepted I was bi. Once I opened the door to women, I had a brief spell of sleeping around just for the fuck of it, but quickly settled back into the less-quantity-more-quality mantra. I may have enlarged the general pool, but I still wanted fewer people to make the cut.

That being said, fewer people are still more people than one person, and there are many out there who disagree with non-monogamy. The thing is, contrary to popular belief, many of those people are also bisexual. I’ve argued with friends across the wide spectrum of sexual identities about monogamy and promiscuity, and encountered people for and against promiscuity from every part of that spectrum.

I know people who find many others attractive and want to bone them but ultimately only sleep with their partner; I know some who sleep with others behind their partner’s back and some who truly only have eyes for their partner. I know people in open relationships and others who are averse to relationships entirely. But you’ll notice I said “people” without specifying their sexual preferences, which are irrelevant. Because sexual preferences about who or how you want to fuck do not define how many people you fuck.

Which is a shame, actually. If promiscuity were a sign of one’s sexuality or vice versa, then I can think of several promiscuous straight men I’d like to get my cock in—and several monogamous bi guys and girls, too.

Comments
  1. Lolly says:

    I am a bisexual woman who has identified as such since puberty and I felt compelled to respond to your post. I have always been monogamous, with the exception of a threesome that included my partner. Of course, that will likely change in the future. However, I do not think that I will ever embrace casual sex, which, to me, is a key component of “promiscuous.” I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on the subject; I’ve always been frustrated at the perception that “bi” equates with what society labels as “easy”. Thank you for helping raise awareness that this is not the case. I believe you are right: promiscuity and sexual orientation are two different aspects of the same subject. -Lolly

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